Well, I'll tell you. When you have cancer, if you go over 24 hours without going to a hospital or having some labs taken, they make up things to bring you in.
Just kidding.
I had labs drawn, I peed in a cup (No I'm not pregnant, if you were wondering), did an EKG, had another x-ray done, Signed some documents saying that I might die going under, and yeah.
The nurse also said-- I hope you had a big lunch, because you should be fasting now! Oops. I went home and ate real quick before I started fasting. Then I had Jello for dinner!
I guess now I'm ready for the biopsy tomorrow.
They consider this a major surgery--- I've never had a major surgery before. I had tubes put in my ears when I was a baby and I had my wisdom teeth taken out by a oral surgeon, but never been to the hospital for an actual surgery.
Wish me luck!
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Thankful for
A couple things that I am really thankful for right now-
1) Brett's Job. They were all basically like "oh hey, take all the time off you need for appointments with your wife."
2) The insurance we have. Rocks. So glad it won't be thousands and thousands of dollars we don't have.
3) Friends, neighbors, family. My support system really is great.
4) Modern medicine.
5) The beautiful spring weather. It makes me happy.
6) My husband and my adorable children. They test me, they try me, but boy are they fun. I'm learning to laugh at those ridiculous times when you argue with your 4 year old or when you try to calm a tantrum from your 2 year old. Brett and I are learning to laugh when I have my mood swings as well. Haha. 😉
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
Golden Birthday
What's a golden birthday you ask? (Since apparently not many people think it's that big of a deal....) It's when you turn the age of your birth-day. So, since my birthday is April 28th, my golden birthday is when I turn 28, which is today!
I wanted it to be an epic birthday. Since I found out the news, I put things into perspective, and have been focusing on getting better. But, this birthday did not disappoint!
I was surrounded by a lot of loved ones for lunch, I got a nap (while 2 of my friends cleaned my house and watched my kids), went to Zupas for dinner with my little family and then we walked around the beautiful gardens at Thanksgiving Point for their Tulip Festival they have each year.
In the morning, I did have that doctor appointment, I got to meet my surgeon and go over what to expect for the biopsy. He also did a physical and asked me all about everything.
Another cool thing, he took Brett and I to his office and showed us the pet scan results. It was another jaw dropping instance seeing the size of the tumor compared to my heart and the location (it basically encases my heart.) I should have taken a picture. I need to take a picture. Why don't I ever remember to ask?
Sooooo the biopsy will be on Thursday and I have to go in tomorrow for Pre-screening things.
I know you all want to see a picture of me at age 28 in golden pants, so here you go:
I wanted it to be an epic birthday. Since I found out the news, I put things into perspective, and have been focusing on getting better. But, this birthday did not disappoint!
I was surrounded by a lot of loved ones for lunch, I got a nap (while 2 of my friends cleaned my house and watched my kids), went to Zupas for dinner with my little family and then we walked around the beautiful gardens at Thanksgiving Point for their Tulip Festival they have each year.
In the morning, I did have that doctor appointment, I got to meet my surgeon and go over what to expect for the biopsy. He also did a physical and asked me all about everything.
Another cool thing, he took Brett and I to his office and showed us the pet scan results. It was another jaw dropping instance seeing the size of the tumor compared to my heart and the location (it basically encases my heart.) I should have taken a picture. I need to take a picture. Why don't I ever remember to ask?
Sooooo the biopsy will be on Thursday and I have to go in tomorrow for Pre-screening things.
I know you all want to see a picture of me at age 28 in golden pants, so here you go:
Monday, April 27, 2015
Let's get things movin
Over the weekend, I was in a lot more pain.
I don't know if it's because I know that there's something growing inside me that shouldn't be or what but, my left arm was almost useless at some points.
I told myself "You know....I have cancer and I want to get going on this" so, I called the doctor today and told them that I needed to see the surgeon for the consult sooner (they scheduled it for Thursday) so that meant that the biopsy would be a few more days after that, then results, then oncologist appt, then whatever and whatever----- We were looking at like three more weeks of waiting and tests probably.
No way. I decided to fight, and guess what? They moved my appointment with the surgeon up to tomorrow. Even though it's my GOLDEN BIRTHDAY tomorrow, I'm happy to get things rollin a bit faster.
Lesson learned- If it's not when you want or how you want, push and fight.
I don't know if it's because I know that there's something growing inside me that shouldn't be or what but, my left arm was almost useless at some points.
I told myself "You know....I have cancer and I want to get going on this" so, I called the doctor today and told them that I needed to see the surgeon for the consult sooner (they scheduled it for Thursday) so that meant that the biopsy would be a few more days after that, then results, then oncologist appt, then whatever and whatever----- We were looking at like three more weeks of waiting and tests probably.
No way. I decided to fight, and guess what? They moved my appointment with the surgeon up to tomorrow. Even though it's my GOLDEN BIRTHDAY tomorrow, I'm happy to get things rollin a bit faster.
Lesson learned- If it's not when you want or how you want, push and fight.
Saturday, April 25, 2015
My coping = Joking
Guys, I've accepted that I have cancer. I'm coming to accept that it's going to be hard. How hard? I dunno, but I want to live my life as normal as possible.
So I joke. I play the 'cancer card' jokingly, I talk about being bald, I talk about how I wish I was a sickly skinny cancer patient (btw--why couldn't I have the symptom of weight loss? That would have been nice.... still have hopes here. haha)
It is SO hard to tell people you have cancer. Probably my least favorite thing about this so far (and I drank lithium by the way...) They cry, they feel bad, they think you are going to die.
After fasting and praying that first Sunday after they found the tumor, I have felt so much peace. I know that I will be okay. It may suck for a while, but I know I'll be okay.
My biggest worry though is for my children. I want to be a good mom.
Me + Sick = Not a good mom
Me + A lot of Sick = A lot of not a good mom
Here is how I'm training to think about this--- When I'm sick they will strengthen their relationship with daddy, daddy is going to learn a lot of appreciation (more than he knows already) about being a mom, they will strengthen their relationships with their grandmas, friends, and neighbors. They are young enough that 4-6 months won't break them, and I am learning to let go of the things that don't matter and spend time with the things that do (like playing and spending time with my husband and kids.)
Here's a quote that I wrote down a couple months ago and has really helped me get through those break downs-
"Happiness is something we have to recommit to on a moment to moment basis."
We are human. We have crazy emotions. We have to choose to be happy even when big icky things come our way.
So I joke. I play the 'cancer card' jokingly, I talk about being bald, I talk about how I wish I was a sickly skinny cancer patient (btw--why couldn't I have the symptom of weight loss? That would have been nice.... still have hopes here. haha)
It is SO hard to tell people you have cancer. Probably my least favorite thing about this so far (and I drank lithium by the way...) They cry, they feel bad, they think you are going to die.
After fasting and praying that first Sunday after they found the tumor, I have felt so much peace. I know that I will be okay. It may suck for a while, but I know I'll be okay.
My biggest worry though is for my children. I want to be a good mom.
Me + Sick = Not a good mom
Me + A lot of Sick = A lot of not a good mom
Here is how I'm training to think about this--- When I'm sick they will strengthen their relationship with daddy, daddy is going to learn a lot of appreciation (more than he knows already) about being a mom, they will strengthen their relationships with their grandmas, friends, and neighbors. They are young enough that 4-6 months won't break them, and I am learning to let go of the things that don't matter and spend time with the things that do (like playing and spending time with my husband and kids.)
Here's a quote that I wrote down a couple months ago and has really helped me get through those break downs-
"Happiness is something we have to recommit to on a moment to moment basis."
We are human. We have crazy emotions. We have to choose to be happy even when big icky things come our way.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
9+ cm.
Today I met with Dr. Wallentine, the Oncologist down at the Central Utah Clinic.
Before I met with him, I, of course, had to fill out 10 pages of paper work, get my blood drawn again, and wait.
Through this waiting time, Brett and I decide that playing solitaire on our phones is an easy distraction. And so starts another addicting spell of solitaire.....
I was a little frustrated because I asked to make sure he had my PET scan results, which weren't ready, but he was able to call a radiologist and have him tell him the results. Would have been cool to see them.
He did say that the tumor was lit up on the PET scan just like how cancer looks. He said that it was just the one tumor and lymph node by it and not anywhere else on my body. Yay! He said that it looks very much to him like Hodgkin Lymphoma, but he has been wrong once. Haha. But with my age and symptoms- itchy, night sweats it's probably that cancer.
He talked to me about how treatable it is- 85% curable (meaning it never comes back) and everything else looks healthy and good on me- so it's very likely that I'll beat it this time around.
I asked him.... "Ummm...do you know how big the tumor is?" He got out his little measuring stick and showed me. I wish I could have seen Brett and I's mouths drop. It's over 9 cm. That's a huge thing to have in your chest! I was not mad, sad, or depressed about it. I was actually quite impressed with myself.
That big and not showing symptoms? Then I thought to myself .... "Oh that's why my left arm has been throbbing and achy off and on for a couple months" and "Oh that's why I wheeze and can run or exercise without feeling like I can't breathe."
All this while I though that my age was catching up to me or that I was really out of shape. Well it might be the mix of the two.
He did an exam, explained to me what they were going to do next (Hook me up with a cardio-thoracic surgeon, do a biopsy, bone marrow sample), and made a next appointment for almost 2 weeks later. 2 weeks?! I want to get this show on the road.
Because we were so impressed, Brett and I grabbed the measuring device thingy and snapped a picture. I think the nurse and doctor thought we were weird. Oh well.
Before I met with him, I, of course, had to fill out 10 pages of paper work, get my blood drawn again, and wait.
Through this waiting time, Brett and I decide that playing solitaire on our phones is an easy distraction. And so starts another addicting spell of solitaire.....
I was a little frustrated because I asked to make sure he had my PET scan results, which weren't ready, but he was able to call a radiologist and have him tell him the results. Would have been cool to see them.
He did say that the tumor was lit up on the PET scan just like how cancer looks. He said that it was just the one tumor and lymph node by it and not anywhere else on my body. Yay! He said that it looks very much to him like Hodgkin Lymphoma, but he has been wrong once. Haha. But with my age and symptoms- itchy, night sweats it's probably that cancer.
He talked to me about how treatable it is- 85% curable (meaning it never comes back) and everything else looks healthy and good on me- so it's very likely that I'll beat it this time around.
I asked him.... "Ummm...do you know how big the tumor is?" He got out his little measuring stick and showed me. I wish I could have seen Brett and I's mouths drop. It's over 9 cm. That's a huge thing to have in your chest! I was not mad, sad, or depressed about it. I was actually quite impressed with myself.
That big and not showing symptoms? Then I thought to myself .... "Oh that's why my left arm has been throbbing and achy off and on for a couple months" and "Oh that's why I wheeze and can run or exercise without feeling like I can't breathe."
All this while I though that my age was catching up to me or that I was really out of shape. Well it might be the mix of the two.
He did an exam, explained to me what they were going to do next (Hook me up with a cardio-thoracic surgeon, do a biopsy, bone marrow sample), and made a next appointment for almost 2 weeks later. 2 weeks?! I want to get this show on the road.
Because we were so impressed, Brett and I grabbed the measuring device thingy and snapped a picture. I think the nurse and doctor thought we were weird. Oh well.
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Radioactive
All day I had the song "Radioactive" by Imagine Dragons stuck in my head. Crazy what the docs have you put in your body....
I feel like I should be losing weight with all the fasting they are having me do.
They told me to eat a high protein/ low carb diet for 24 hours before my test and told me that my last meal could be at 5:30 am. You better believe that I set my alarm so I could get up, eat breakfast, then go back to sleep.
I feel very blessed that during all this I have been able to sleep pretty well. One of the big symptoms I've had for a while is fatigue. I HAVE to have a nap to be able to make it all day and then by 8 pm it seems like I can't take one more step. So sleeping has been okay for me. Luckily too my medication for anxiety/depression helps with that as well!!
Anywho- I went and helped with preschool like normal and it was nice because Ann (my mother in law) had Carter so I didn't have to worry about him.
The PET scan was scheduled for 2 pm and they wanted me early to do paperwork and a blood draw.
(I thought getting my veins poked might get easier....that hasn't been the case.) Brett came with me and it shows that we knew absolutely nothing of what they were going to do.
The X-ray technician was my age and very friendly. I like friendly. I changed my clothes---btw I was WAY too dressed up. I wish that I wore my pj's. I had my hair and make-up all done, my colored skinny jeans on with a dressy top and flashy sandals---- No, no. uh uh.
She took Brett and I back and put in an IV and explained that she was going to inject me with some radioactive fluid and some kind of sugar, next, she would place me in a room BY MYSELF for a whole hour. During that hour I was supposed to drink lithium mixed with sprite. I can never drink sprite again after that. ewww. Imagine the worst thing you have ever tasted and multiply that by 100. Yes, it was that gross.
After chilling for an hour while being radioactive, she took me to the machine (after I went potty of course) and I was supposed to hold as still as I could in the machine for 30 minutes. She said that even twitching my finger could cause a funny result in the test. After all the itching I'd been having, I was really worried.... but I said a prayer and I was good.
During the test, I envisioned running my neighborhood course I like to run that takes me a little over 30 minutes. It helped, but I was also SUPER hungry so I went through all the food places nearby to see which would satisfy my hunger the most. haha.
I decided on a burger place and krispy kreme afterwards. A bummer to me-- my appetite wasn't as big as I thought.
The technician couldn't tell me anything but "You held really still and we got the images your doctor needed." poohey.
Guess waiting is my new hobby.
I feel like I should be losing weight with all the fasting they are having me do.
They told me to eat a high protein/ low carb diet for 24 hours before my test and told me that my last meal could be at 5:30 am. You better believe that I set my alarm so I could get up, eat breakfast, then go back to sleep.
I feel very blessed that during all this I have been able to sleep pretty well. One of the big symptoms I've had for a while is fatigue. I HAVE to have a nap to be able to make it all day and then by 8 pm it seems like I can't take one more step. So sleeping has been okay for me. Luckily too my medication for anxiety/depression helps with that as well!!
Anywho- I went and helped with preschool like normal and it was nice because Ann (my mother in law) had Carter so I didn't have to worry about him.
The PET scan was scheduled for 2 pm and they wanted me early to do paperwork and a blood draw.
(I thought getting my veins poked might get easier....that hasn't been the case.) Brett came with me and it shows that we knew absolutely nothing of what they were going to do.
The X-ray technician was my age and very friendly. I like friendly. I changed my clothes---btw I was WAY too dressed up. I wish that I wore my pj's. I had my hair and make-up all done, my colored skinny jeans on with a dressy top and flashy sandals---- No, no. uh uh.
She took Brett and I back and put in an IV and explained that she was going to inject me with some radioactive fluid and some kind of sugar, next, she would place me in a room BY MYSELF for a whole hour. During that hour I was supposed to drink lithium mixed with sprite. I can never drink sprite again after that. ewww. Imagine the worst thing you have ever tasted and multiply that by 100. Yes, it was that gross.
After chilling for an hour while being radioactive, she took me to the machine (after I went potty of course) and I was supposed to hold as still as I could in the machine for 30 minutes. She said that even twitching my finger could cause a funny result in the test. After all the itching I'd been having, I was really worried.... but I said a prayer and I was good.
During the test, I envisioned running my neighborhood course I like to run that takes me a little over 30 minutes. It helped, but I was also SUPER hungry so I went through all the food places nearby to see which would satisfy my hunger the most. haha.
I decided on a burger place and krispy kreme afterwards. A bummer to me-- my appetite wasn't as big as I thought.
The technician couldn't tell me anything but "You held really still and we got the images your doctor needed." poohey.
Guess waiting is my new hobby.
Monday, April 20, 2015
Twiddling my thumbs
Longest weekend ever.
I tried to keep busy, but the whole "I might have cancer" thing was hard to shake.
I didn't hear from any doctor this morning and I not-so-patiently waited until noon (Dr. Christensen said to call by noon if I didn't hear from anyone.) I ended up calling his cell at 11:47. Haha. That's what you get for giving me your cell.....
I left a message and he called back pretty quickly. He said they made the appointment for the PET scan for Wednesday (TWO MORE DAYS OF WAITING) and that I'd meet with the oncologist the next day to go over results from that.
My mom felt so bad. She had been planning a trip to Italy with her mom, sister, and sister in laws for over a year. She was planning on leaving Thursday and would be gone for two whole weeks. I told her not to worry. She needed to go... especially because we didn't really know for sure what was going on with me.
My mother in law hopped in her car and came down to help. She arrived today right after lunch. Sarah spent the whole morning distracting me and helping with the kids.
I tried to keep busy, but the whole "I might have cancer" thing was hard to shake.
I didn't hear from any doctor this morning and I not-so-patiently waited until noon (Dr. Christensen said to call by noon if I didn't hear from anyone.) I ended up calling his cell at 11:47. Haha. That's what you get for giving me your cell.....
I left a message and he called back pretty quickly. He said they made the appointment for the PET scan for Wednesday (TWO MORE DAYS OF WAITING) and that I'd meet with the oncologist the next day to go over results from that.
My mom felt so bad. She had been planning a trip to Italy with her mom, sister, and sister in laws for over a year. She was planning on leaving Thursday and would be gone for two whole weeks. I told her not to worry. She needed to go... especially because we didn't really know for sure what was going on with me.
My mother in law hopped in her car and came down to help. She arrived today right after lunch. Sarah spent the whole morning distracting me and helping with the kids.
Sunday, April 19, 2015
80 prayer day
I seriously have had a renewal of my relationship with my Heavenly Father in the last couple days.
I had my life all planned out, exactly how it was supposed to happen, easy hauling, then boom.
I have had so many emotions in these last few days as well.
Scared.
Anxious.
Sad.
Peace.
Peace? Yeah, peace. When I feel those other emotions, I'm training myself to pray, because there's nothing I can do about this tumor right now. I'm doing all I can trying to figure this thingy out, and when I tell my Heavenly Father that I'm scared, He comforts me. When I'm sad, He sends me a friend over to talk. When I'm anxious, He helps me rest.
So, Just today alone I think I've said 80 prayers so far.
Friday, April 17, 2015
Itchy Itchy Itchy
Today was just a normal day (besides my incessant need to itch my whole entire body.) I went into Dr. Christensen's office at 10:30 am thinking that I was going to get some kind of cream or a referral to an allergist.
Now, I've always liked Dr. Christensen. He was a collegiate runner for Weber State, he's young, and he really wants to help.
I told him of my itching problems--showed him the bruises from itching so bad and explained to him that I haven't felt like "me" for a long time now. I've just felt off with no energy and pretty irritable.
He turned his computer to me and told me that we are going to get down to why you feel this way. He searched "itching without rash" on his medical browser thing and it brought up several possibilities of what could cause the itching.
I had had my blood work not long before, but they didn't check all of the things needed. I also went to several PA's at my OB-GYN's office, but no one could figure out what was going on.
He started down the list--- I hadn't been out of the country, I had my blood count done (looked good) but not the types, I am not diabetic, my liver and bile look good, I hadn't done a chest xray, we went over my medications, etc.
We were definitely thinking that I was having a reaction to my medication I had been taking for a while. Since I was already at the doctor's office, we decided it would be best to check out everything else that we hadn't in order to really get down to business and figure this out!
They have an xray machine in office, so I walked down the hall and did that--- thinking that it'd show nothing, just like every other test I had taken in the last several months.
When Dr. Christensen came in to go over the results right after, he brought up my xray and right then, BAM, I saw it. Dr. was like...."hmmmm that's a little odd." "Do you see that protrusion on the top part of your heart?" Heck yes I saw it. He said it might be my aorta twisted (still could work fine....) but he wanted to see what the radiologist said about it.
Instead of waiting for the radiologist to call, I went and picked up my kids and went home. Not even twenty minutes after I left the office, I got a call from Dr. Christensen on his cell phone. He said that the radiologist was concerned and that I needed to go in to the hospital for a CT scan asap. I still wasn't that concerned because really nothing else looked off. They said not to eat anything before the scan- (DANG! I was just about to eat lunch!)
At 2:30 pm. I went to the American Fork Hospital by myself (Brett came home from work and stayed with the kids.) I went in to get the CT scan and they were asking me my symptoms and why I was there and I didn't know what to say! I just told them I went to my doctor this morning for itching and they found something on my heart. They didn't go over how the CT really went or what it showed, I was all confused, but it was quick.
After the CT, I had to sit in this room by myself with a phone. They told me to answer it when it rang. I did that, and they put me through to Dr. Christensen again. This time I could tell something was wrong. He apologized for having to tell me this on the phone, and he said that it was a tumor, not ON my heard but right up NEXT to it. He said that with my age, the itchiness, and the location of the tumor-- it was probably some type of lymphoma. (Either hodgkin's or non-hodgkins)
I asked him, "What next then?" He proceeded to tell me that it's going to be a long road, but he'll take care of the appointments and putting me in contact with the right people. He gave me his cell phone number to call any time and called the oncologist right after.
I waited a few minutes in this tiny little room with a phone trying to process everything. I started to cry. I picked myself up and went out to the car. Cried some more. I had no idea what this meant, I had no idea that I had cancer, I had no idea that any of this could happen to me.
I sat in my car for a while. I called Brett, I called my parents, Dr. Christensen called again. The next week they'd need me to have a pet scan done and meet with the oncologist. I cried hard. This meant chemo, this meant being sick long term, this meant that I'd need lots of help, and this meant that my kids wouldn't have their mom like their used to.
When I was finally in ok shape to drive (Bad idea not to have Brett come with me), I went to Slurp and got a cookie and drink. My appetite was gone, but I knew that I needed something. And Slurp usually makes everything better---- not this time, dang it.
What a day.
The rest of the day and weekend was pretty surreal. I kept busy. My dad had called my bishop and the bishop had told my neighbor (who is also the elder's quorum president), I told that neighbor's wife and another friend of mine. The bishop and our neighbor came over and helped give Brett and I blessings.
My motto at this point was to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. I think in all due time that was the best to do.
Whoa. Cancer. For reals?
Now, I've always liked Dr. Christensen. He was a collegiate runner for Weber State, he's young, and he really wants to help.
I told him of my itching problems--showed him the bruises from itching so bad and explained to him that I haven't felt like "me" for a long time now. I've just felt off with no energy and pretty irritable.
He turned his computer to me and told me that we are going to get down to why you feel this way. He searched "itching without rash" on his medical browser thing and it brought up several possibilities of what could cause the itching.
I had had my blood work not long before, but they didn't check all of the things needed. I also went to several PA's at my OB-GYN's office, but no one could figure out what was going on.
He started down the list--- I hadn't been out of the country, I had my blood count done (looked good) but not the types, I am not diabetic, my liver and bile look good, I hadn't done a chest xray, we went over my medications, etc.
We were definitely thinking that I was having a reaction to my medication I had been taking for a while. Since I was already at the doctor's office, we decided it would be best to check out everything else that we hadn't in order to really get down to business and figure this out!
They have an xray machine in office, so I walked down the hall and did that--- thinking that it'd show nothing, just like every other test I had taken in the last several months.
When Dr. Christensen came in to go over the results right after, he brought up my xray and right then, BAM, I saw it. Dr. was like...."hmmmm that's a little odd." "Do you see that protrusion on the top part of your heart?" Heck yes I saw it. He said it might be my aorta twisted (still could work fine....) but he wanted to see what the radiologist said about it.
Instead of waiting for the radiologist to call, I went and picked up my kids and went home. Not even twenty minutes after I left the office, I got a call from Dr. Christensen on his cell phone. He said that the radiologist was concerned and that I needed to go in to the hospital for a CT scan asap. I still wasn't that concerned because really nothing else looked off. They said not to eat anything before the scan- (DANG! I was just about to eat lunch!)
At 2:30 pm. I went to the American Fork Hospital by myself (Brett came home from work and stayed with the kids.) I went in to get the CT scan and they were asking me my symptoms and why I was there and I didn't know what to say! I just told them I went to my doctor this morning for itching and they found something on my heart. They didn't go over how the CT really went or what it showed, I was all confused, but it was quick.
After the CT, I had to sit in this room by myself with a phone. They told me to answer it when it rang. I did that, and they put me through to Dr. Christensen again. This time I could tell something was wrong. He apologized for having to tell me this on the phone, and he said that it was a tumor, not ON my heard but right up NEXT to it. He said that with my age, the itchiness, and the location of the tumor-- it was probably some type of lymphoma. (Either hodgkin's or non-hodgkins)
I asked him, "What next then?" He proceeded to tell me that it's going to be a long road, but he'll take care of the appointments and putting me in contact with the right people. He gave me his cell phone number to call any time and called the oncologist right after.
I waited a few minutes in this tiny little room with a phone trying to process everything. I started to cry. I picked myself up and went out to the car. Cried some more. I had no idea what this meant, I had no idea that I had cancer, I had no idea that any of this could happen to me.
I sat in my car for a while. I called Brett, I called my parents, Dr. Christensen called again. The next week they'd need me to have a pet scan done and meet with the oncologist. I cried hard. This meant chemo, this meant being sick long term, this meant that I'd need lots of help, and this meant that my kids wouldn't have their mom like their used to.
When I was finally in ok shape to drive (Bad idea not to have Brett come with me), I went to Slurp and got a cookie and drink. My appetite was gone, but I knew that I needed something. And Slurp usually makes everything better---- not this time, dang it.
What a day.
The rest of the day and weekend was pretty surreal. I kept busy. My dad had called my bishop and the bishop had told my neighbor (who is also the elder's quorum president), I told that neighbor's wife and another friend of mine. The bishop and our neighbor came over and helped give Brett and I blessings.
My motto at this point was to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. I think in all due time that was the best to do.
Whoa. Cancer. For reals?
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