Lots of Emotions

Since my scan a month ago things have gotten worse.    I hope that it's just some weird post trauma thing or that it's all in my head, but I can't help but feel like the cancer is back.

I don't think I would ever say that I felt "back to myself."  I did feel like I was progressing in the right direction slowly.  A few months ago I started noticing a decline.  A decline in my fatigue, in my attitude (snappy, agitated, impatient,) an increase in pressure and pain around my heart,  bone pain, and now---itching.

Having the itch come back was my worst fear.  It's pretty unbearable.  Especially because I try to give other excuses to why it would be happening.  Outdoors? Medication reaction?  New lotion?

Finally I'm giving in and going to call my doctor tomorrow.

We'll see how it all goes.  Until then, I'll accept any prayers sent this way.  :)

6 Month Scan and Visit

CT scans are much more favorable than PETS.  Much quicker and no waiting in a dark room alone for 1-2 hours.

I still wish you could tip the radiologist people administering the tests to give you a sneak peak on your results.  But they give you nothing.  I ask every time hoping that one of them will budge, but no! I get it though.  haha.
 
I took the CT on Monday and my Doctor appointment was Tuesday.

Brett came with me to the doctor appointment and it was all too familiar.  Check in, Wait, Labs, Wait again even longer, nurse brings you back-- weight check, blood pressure, temperature, and medication list check.  Then wait again.  (Booo--- Justine, my favorite assistant wasn't there.)

My doctor wasn't scheduled for this visit because he only sees me every other time (he's pretty important..:)..)  so the PA saw me today.  She came in and started asking questions and started the physical.  I finally had to interrupt her and ask how my CT results were.  She asked "Oh, when did you have a CT scan?"  For Reals.  I was a little ticked. She did bring up the results quickly, and you could tell she got a little funny and worried about something on the screen.  She had Brett and I look at it and we could see that there was something there where my tumor was that wasn't before.  She told me that she was going to see if my doctor was still there and run it by him.

While she was gone, I was trying not to lose it.  This was supposed to be my last scan.  This was supposed to be clear and something that I could check off my list and be done with!

A few minutes later she returned and told me that I shouldn't be too worried because it looked like it could be a phenomenon called "Thymic Rebound." If this was the case then it should calm down and clear itself out over time.   There's not a lot of information about it because it's normally seen in children and it's pretty rare.

Here is an article I found though--

This case illustrates a phenomenon called thymic rebound (also called benign thymic hyperplasia), which is defined as thymic regrowth 50% greater than baseline volume. Benign thymic hyperplasia occurs mainly after treatment with chemotherapy, but infrequent case reports describe its occurrence after periods of stress in cancer patients off chemotherapy as well. Chemotherapy causes thymic atrophy and a decrease in average volume of 33%, and regrowth occurs after treatment completion.

Benign thymic hyperplasia was initially described in children recovering from thermal burns, and later recognized as thymic rebound in children following chemotherapy. It has been associated with various types of pediatric cancers, including lymphomas, leukemias, testicular cancer, sarcomas and in the stem cell transplant setting.

The literature in adults is scarce, but it may occur in about 25% of adult chemotherapy patients. Benign thymic hyperplasia in adults has been documented in early stage breast cancer, lymphoma and uterine leiomyosarcoma. It usually occurs within the first year after chemotherapy, but it can present as many as five years later. In one case series, 31 of 134 PET scans (23.1%) for lymphoma showing focal flurodeoxyglucose uptake were diagnosed as nontumoral radiotracer uptake. Five of the 31 false-positive PET scans were related to thymic hyperplasia.

Benign thymic hyperplasia may result in diagnostic inaccuracies in PET scan interpretation with potential implications on patient management. However, an experienced interpreter of PET/CT scans can readily recognize its pattern on both PET and CT imaging, and temporally correlate it with a history of chemotherapy to avoid misinterpretation. If there remains a high suspicion of malignancy despite consideration of thymic rebound, tissue confirmation should be obtained to avoid the morbidity of unnecessary treatment.

She also explained that it can look very similar to relapsing, which is another option of what it could be.  Stats show that if I were to relapse, it would be right now.  Since I had a more "bulky" tumor, my chances increase for relapse as well.   These are all worries that I can't put to rest.  The only for sure way to know if it's thymic tissue vs. Hodgkin Lymphoma again is if they did a biopsy.   Biopsies around my heart are not quite simple.  Especially since we're only dealing with 2x3 centimeters now. 

My doctor never came in, but she assured me that I shouldn't worry, and that they knew my case and we would be watching this carefully.  He's pretty positive that it's the thymic tissue that is involved here, but if any other symptoms pop up-- I need to communicate that.  They scheduled another CT in three months and then if it grew larger than we could talk about doing a biopsy.  

I did ask about my heart pain and my shortness of breath when I get stressed out.  They said it could be a combination of things, but it could be related to this.  

All in all, I left this appointment feeling very confused and down.  It didn't go at all how I expected, but I think that's one lesson I'm still learning!  You can't control everything.  Some things you have to just take and roll with it.   

Well, by next post hopefully I'll have more positive vibes and intriguing thoughts.  Then again.... maybe I'll just stick to something funny.  

test results-- excuse the dinner on it. hahaha

One Whole year

From a Facebook post I wrote---

It's been a year.  ONE WHOLE YEAR since I found a grapefruit size mass in my chest. 

What a ride it's been. 

I remember how last year around this time I was so itchy-- I had bruises all over my legs from itching so hard, but everything else itched too.  I remember that when I laughed really hard I would wheeze.  When I ran really hard I would wheeze. I had a cough that would not quit, my chest would hurt, and my left arm had a aching pain that would surge through it.  I had excuses for everything. I had seen many doctors and I kept telling them that I didn't feel right.  They kept giving me reasons why and things to try. Nothing really worked.  I remember asking one doctor if it could be cancer--  My bloodwork looked fine, so nope, not cancer.

So glad that I was inspired to see Dr. Christensen and pushed by my friends to get some answers.

He saw that I was frustrated and embarrassed for going to the doctor so much.  He wanted to help.  So we started by doing every test he could think of for "pruritus" which is itching without a rash. For some reason a chest x-ray was on that list.  I thank God that we did that chest x-ray that day. 

Now here I am today....  cancer free. 

Yes, it could come back.  Yes, my risk for other cancers is higher now.  Yes, I will always worry. 

Yes, there's lots of side effects, and I'm still finding whats the new normal for me.  Most of the time I feel like my body aged 30 years, but I'm making small and steady strides towards where I once was.  I'm accepting the fact that I may not ever run as fast as I used to and that's OK.  I can work hard and try.  My body has gone through a lot and I'm so thankful for it toughing it out.

It's been amazing how much I have learned from this experience. 

For one- I'm not as afraid of needles as I once was!  Ha-ha. 

But really-- I learned how great people are.  In a world so full of craze and differentiating opinions, gossip and hate--- people come together and help each other out.   We all know what something sucky feels like and we really don't want people to have to go through it alone. 

I've also learned a lot about the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  I always heard it wasn't just for sinners, but I never put into practice the suffering part of it.  Sometimes life just isn't unfair.  I didn't ask for cancer.  I didn't want it.  But I came closer to Heavenly Father and Christ because of it.  If I had a rough day, I knew that I could pray and be comforted just enough to make it through until the next time.

I know I said it a million times, but there was no way I could have done it without my friends, my husband Brett, family, neighbors, my ward (church group,) and my other HL homies.

Thank you for supporting me and my family and helping to lighten the load.  Now do me a favor and go help out someone!  Send a text to a friend you haven't heard from in a while,  buy an extra treat and drop it off at a neighbor's house, smile and say hi instead of hurry and pass by, help a struggling mother in the store instead of pretending you didn't see..go and Brighton someone's day.  #Brightonaday

We are on this earth together. We all have our own battle we're fighting.

Raynaud's Phenomenon

Look at this cool trick that Chemo left me with!


When I get a little bit cold--- It starts out in the tips of my pointer fingers, but can also show up in my other fingers and travel down to cover the whole finger.  It takes several minutes of warming up for it to go away.

The Port Removal

No joke,  I was excited about this surgery.   For one- It's another step of moving beyond cancer, and two- the happy meds.  Haha.

Too bad I had to beg for the happy meds because they said that this surgery is much more simple than getting it placed (and I thought.... you just don't feel bad for me because I'm not undergoing chemo right now... haha)  My thoughts were that I'm the patient, I've met my out of pocket max for insurance, give me a little happy stuff so I'm not nervous.

They did, the surgery was indeed simple and fast, and we were all happy.

I still have a very hard time going up to the Cancer Institute.  It's like if I even think of that place I get nauseated.  I also need to tell someone that they need to change what they use to clean the bathrooms.  It stinks.  It's a very different smell and when I used their bathrooms I have to hold my nose closed the whole time (no joke.)  It's weird how your mind and body prepare you for something even if it's not going to happen.


Here's a picture of my little port friend.  It was good to me and I'm very glad I got it.  It made it a lot more do able.  My arm veins cried "thank you" each time I didn't have to get chemo through one of them.

And here's a little update of my hair---  front and back.  I'm finding lot's of crazy cal-licks! 

Best News Ever!!!!

I'm CANCER FREE!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT WOOT!  SOOOOO HAPPY!

I met with my doctor today to discuss the results from my scan.  I don't think I was ever as ready to walk into the cancer hospital as I was today.  I had my port accessed for the last time to get lab work done and then they made me wait an HOUR to meet with the doctor.  I was so fidgety and ready to hear the results.   Apparently they forgot about me because when I reminded them, they got me back asap.  I guess when you are towards the end of your treatment they put you on the back burner (remember how they forgot about my last chemo appt?)  hahaha.

Justine, who is my favorite--- she is the girl who always takes me back, was so fun to talk to as usual.  I'm glad that they hire such fun and happy people.  It really helps.  I've learned to remember to say thanks when people are great and happy to do their job.  I think it helps them on days where it's hard.

When the Dr. came in, I told him I was nervous and he said  "There's nothing for you to be nervous about, it looks great."  I guess it wasn't the "HOORAY YOU'RE CANCER FREE!" that I was expecting, but i'll take it.  He talks to several patients daily and has to give good news and bad news,  so I'm sure that's why he puts on a game face.  I'm glad he's smart and good at his job!

In hindsight I probably should have asked him to get in on my happy dance! HAHA.

We looked at the scans and he explained why it still looks like I have a little tumor (scar tissue), but it's not cancerous.  He also told me that my white blood count is still low, but it's rising!  My thymus glad was a little swollen, which is normal for my age and what I went through.  He wants to do a CT scan in 6 months just to make sure something didn't change with that.

So I set up an appointment for blood work and a visit with my doc in 3 months!  HOORRRAYYYY!

Next step is to get this port out!  I thought it would be months until I got this litte thingamajigger out, but nope!  I get it out in 2 days!  Whooop whoop!

(Que Destiny's Child-- "I'm a Survivor" and have your own dance party.)

Here's a picture of me when I first met with Dr. Sweetenham vs. the day I was told I was cancer free! Hair vs. no hair.  (About 7 months apart)

Here are my scans all lined up by eachother.  

Peace out cancer! 

HAPPY DANCE TIME!  

Remember to smile! Life is great and a smile is a little gesture that could help someone a long way!

Nail biting and Nerviosa

Had my PET scan today.  This sums up how I am feeling.

Scanxiety. 

 

As my bro Tyler would say "Nailed it."