Oh hey life, see you in 3 days!

I had the biopsy done on April 30th.

It is now May 3rd and I finally feel like I'm getting better.

Whewf.  This cancer must affect your immune system because I was sick.

Kinda funny because I totally thought that I'd be up and at it Friday.  I had plans to go to Park city with my college girlfriends to celebrate mine and Hayley's birthday (we have the SAME birthday-it's so fun), but that had to be cancelled.

Here's how the day(s) went:

My good friend Sarah came to be with the kids for the day of the surgery.  Bless her heart.  I didn't know we would be gone basically the whole day.

I left for the hospital just after 8 in the morning.

We get to same day surgery hospital and have to wait because it's so busy.

They get me back, I have to get poked again, pee in a cup again (still not pregnant people), then dress in the ugliest hospital clothes ever.  They were basically made out of soft paper.  I didn't get a picture of the navy blue paper shorts (I spared you, I promise), but refer below to the amazing gown.

(Note to self: Million $$$ idea- create cute surgical wear for patients or even switch up the color or something)

I am now in Pre-op, which in Provo, Utah looks like it does in Grey's anatomy.  A ton of patients separated by curtains chillin at the hospital waiting for their doctor.  Nurse comes in, starts an IV, and gives me a time frame (not accurate at all.)

My surgery time of 10:15 comes and goes, but I'm watching Friends on Netflix-- so life is good besides the fact that I could eat a whole pizza.

They finally come get me,  I say goodbye to Brett, and I go into "Holding."   I think the "Holding" room doubles as the morgue or something because it was the saddest place I think I have ever been.  And I was there longer than most because they surgeon called right when I got there and said that the previous surgery was going over the expected time.  Imagine a pretty small room, with 4-6 people laying on wheelie beds, all with IV's, no privacy, no windows, and it's soooo quiet.  There's one nurse in there, so anytime she talks to a patient, everyone can hear the conversation.

I was really glad they had People magazines from the last couple months.  I definitely updated myself in the celeb world while I was there.

Oh, and of course (hahaha) they wheel an old guy directly across from me---  awkward.  We never caught each other looking at each other.  So that was good.  I'm pretty sure he didn't get the memo to put the cute navy blue paper shorts on and he refused a blanket---so who wore a shorty short dress? That guy did!

The anesthesiologist came in, questioned me, gave me the run down.  I decided to trust him.  The Operating Room Nurse came in (His name was Brett! Nothing like my Brett though--- not tall, not handsome)  but he gave me drugs and that was nice.   He went and got Dr. McCann (the surgeon) and he talked to me for a minute.

Brett (the nurse, not my Brett) wheeled me down the hallway, I went into the OR, looked up at the lights, heard people talking, then I was out.

I was out for about an hour and a half.   Dr. McCann made an incision on the left side of my chest about 1.5 inches long, got enough tissue to test, made the assessment that it was indeed a lymphoma, and done.

It took me a while to gain consciousness.  I remember hearing people but I couldn't open my eyes for even a second because I was so nauseous.  Then I remember being wheeled and then hearing Brett's (my Brett's) voice.  My recovery room was a lot more private (It actually had a door! yay!)  and I was there for over two hours trying to wake up enough to get home.   A couple of funny's:  I had a thought that music might help me so I had Brett turn on pandora on my phone.  He asked me what station and I immediately thought BOY BANDS.  Lovely.  That lasted not very long.  Didn't help the nausea at all.  Also Brett wanted a picture, I didn't like opening both my eyes (because everything made me throw up) so I opened one I and pretended I was a pirate with a hook.  Pretty cute picture that was, I'll tell you that.  haha.

I had Brett (my Brett--Haven't seen the nurse Brett ever again) help me change, then he went to get the car.   Apparently the girl that was helping me in recovery didn't exactly tell Brett where to pick me up so she was wheeling me around everywhere trying to find him.  (Remember, I am getting sick at every turn, twist, and bump)  I even asked her "Did you tell him where to pick me up?"  She said "yeah, out front."  I know my husband--- and I was pretty sure he didn't know where to go.  Haha.  It's funny now, but I was pretty nasty then.  I probably should apologize for the way I acted to her on drugs.  (I really wasn't that bad....)

We finally find him.  He went back and parked and was walking back in because he couldn't see us.

In the car finally.  We stop and wal-mart and all I can think of was the reeses peanut butter cup cookies keebler makes.  Brett gets my meds and picks up cookies (wrong kind... by the way... haha)  Maybe it was a good thing because I couldn't keep anything down.

I get home and go straight to my bed.  I see my kids but I have to just lay there because of the pain and nausea.

The next day, same story, but a little better.  I stopped throwing up, but still wanted to be in bed all day.  I felt a little better each day after.  Carter threw up twice Friday night.  I wonder if I had his sickness on top of surgery recovery?  Maybe that's why I was so out for the count.

Saturday evening we took a family walk around the block and that was hard for me, but I like being outside, and it felt good to do something besides lay in bed.  We also hung out outside while the kids played.

I decided that I didn't like being on the crazy pain medication, so I just took IB profen and tylenol.  That helped with the nausea.

Sunday, I was still tired, but I took Sadie to the first hour of church and Brett came for the last two hours.  It was nice to be in public, put on make-up and actually get ready.

On the first Sunday of every month, the LDS faith has a "Fast and Testimony Meeting."  It's just how it sounds.  Members fast for things: answers to questions, help, healing, etc. then at the church service instead of having speakers or a sermon, anyone from the congregation can get up and share their beliefs and learnings of Heavenly Father and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I was prompted to share mine.  I was so nervous, but I did it, and I cried.  But that's ok.  Because I know that this trial has come to me to make me stronger.  I know that our Heavenly Father is not a cruel God,  I know that he is with me every step of the way.  Like I said in previous posts- I know that when I pray because I'm scared, I'm overwhelmed, or confused, He is there Listening.   I know that Jesus Christ was the one that prepared the way for us to be able to live with Heavenly Father again.  He suffered and died for us.  He knows what I am feeling, He knows what its like to have a long term illness.  He did all that because he loved me.  He loves all of us.  And our Father in Heaven loves all of us and wants us to be happy.  He wants us to learn and become like him.  He gives us these trials to help others, to experience things, to become better.    I am trying to look at this whole cancer experience as just that.   A time to experience a new thing, become a better (more humble) person, and to help others.