Chemotherapy Round 1

Didn't sleep the night before.... just so nervous for the unknown!  I did my research, talked to my cancer friend people, but everyone has their own reaction to things!

It's like having a baby.... you all ultimately come out with the same result (baby) but getting there is all different.  So hopefully I don't have those intense labors that last days....  oops that's already happened!

Brett and I had another blessing the night before and I loved the comfort I felt from it.  In it, it instructed me to get closer to my Savior and that I could relate to what He did in the Garden of Gethsemane.

My friend Aubrey brought me over some cancer survival necessities.  Flowers, treats, and notes were delivered. My neighbor friend Kristi put a basket together for me and organized meals and cleaning for my house. I just really felt loved.   Like, this is the most I've ever felt loved.  I cried.

CANCER MAKES YOU FEEL LOVED.   Yes, it may suck, but man---you see that people are GOOD.   They want to help.  They are there for you.

Speaking of, when we were all ready to head to my Chemo infusion appointment, I headed out to the car and to my surprise, a whole bunch of my neighbors had gathered to send me off.  They were all wearing "April's Army"  shirts.  I cried.  I hugged everyone.  What an awesome way to help me remember that I'm not alone in this.

We left the kids with Grandma Ann, and were on our way! On the way to Salt Lake we rocked out to our fight songs (see previous post) and I try to distract myself as much as possible.

At the infusion center, they make us wait, a guy comes past us with a FREE snack cart (Yes please!), a lady calls us back, and the lady disappears.  So Brett and I walk in looking all confused (because we SWORE we both heard my name called.)  haha.  Anyways, they take me to my seat-- which has a recliner (I didn't luck out with a bed....but they do have them!) another nice chair, a TV, tables, next to the chairs and all the plug ins that you would need.

The facility also has two kitchens stocked with juice and snacks.  You can bring in whatever food you want and whatever to help you be entertained.

A nurse came and got my vitals, then a different nurse came and told me about the facility and started my IV since I didn't (and still don't) have a port.  (They kept thinking I did since I had bandages over my incision from the biopsy.)   They put in some anti-nausea meds and a steroid to help me through the session.

The thing about Chemotherapy that takes such a long time is that they don't have the drugs waiting for you.  Once you get there, they notify the pharmacy, the pharmacy mixes and makes the order, they check a hundred times to make sure amounts and drugs are correct, they send it to the infusion center, they check a hundred times, then 2 hours later, the nurses can start putting them in you!   It took mine a little longer because they had to make sure my echo was normal.

During this time-- Brett called our insurance and found out that they won't cover making me a wig.  Dang it.

Once they started "pushing" the meds, it went pretty quickly.   They have to give you a test dose of the Bleomycin to make sure you don't have any severe reactions (It can be really hard on the heart) and then you have to wait 30 minutes.  Then the real doses took 10 min, 5 min, 10 min, and 45 minutes.  The last one (Dacarbazine)  burned really bad going into my arm.

I think I was the last patient in the infusion center.  It was after 6 pm and I was surprised that I felt pretty normal.  I went to the bathroom (my pee was RED!---the Andriamycin does that.... it looks just like red kool-aid)  but when I came out, I felt really funny. I felt sharp stabs right where my tumor was located.  So,  they take me in and have me evaluated to make sure everything is alright.  I mean, last thing I want is to drive all the way home, just to have to come right back!   So maybe I'm a little paranoid.... because the pain stopped, we decided that I was fine, and we head out to the car.

On the way, I started to feel a little woozy, and cold.  The whole car ride home  I was FREEZING.  We had all the blankets on me, my seat heater, and I was still chattering from being so cold.  I get home, say hey to the kids and head for bed.  For hours, I tossed and turned with what felt like a really intense flu. Once I finally warmed up, I got so hot,  I started a mild fever, I was so dizzy and achy,  then I would get cold again, toss and turn, and it was just not fun.

Once I got to sleep though,  I was outttttttttttttttt  for a couple days.  I did get up Saturday a couple times, and I would get up to take my meds, my friend Vanessa from Logan came over, but I don't remember much!  I'll have to talk to Vanessa to see if I was being funny.  By Sunday night, I was feeling a little better and acting more conscious.

Brett's mom left Monday afternoon and I realized that I was not as well as I thought.  It was so tough.  I love my kids so much, but I did not have enough energy to be able to take care of them.  It is so hard to have the responsibility of "mom" and not be able to do it because you are sick.  I had my friend Meghan help both Monday and Tuesday (by taking Sadie so I could nap) and then my mom flew in earlier than planned and came out Wednesday.  I guess that I might need someone here with me throughout this whole process!   Maybe I should hire a nanny or a housekeeper?  or both?  haha.   But that's the thing,  I have so many people in my neighborhood and outside of it that want to help.  I just need to be better at asking.

So now,  I'm just reaaaallly tired and weak,  achy,  I have a lovely cold sore on my lip, I'm still really itchy (hopefully that will go away soon), constipated (---hey I'm just being honest here), food doesn't taste good, and I just don't feel well.

BUT--  I'm not here to dwell in self pity because there are people that have it worse then me. My family and I are going to get through this.   This is "but a moment."

So let's think about positives (it's getting a lot harder these days....)  I am sleeping pretty well at night,  my kids are playing really well together, I am really focusing on what matters on the day to day,  Brett is amazing at picking up all my slack (for realz... what would I do without him?),  I haven't thrown up, the flowers on my trees outside finally bloomed,  Sadie prays for me every night (and tonight she told me Jesus didn't want me to be sick anymore,)  I love the rain and storms,  I have great friends and family members,  I can still function and take care of myself, I love my bed still.


I think of the quote I had growing up with a picture of Christ   "I never said it would be easy,  I only said it would be worth it."

Getting through life at this point and time will be worth it.