I miss my hair

These days, I walk past a mirror and I don't even recognize myself.

My eyelashes are falling out.

My eyes are sunken in.

My eyebrows are so thin.  

I never feel like dressing up or putting on make-up (I mean...it's hard to make things go with a bald head!)  

Wigs are ok, it's just hot outside and they make my head itch.  

I forget things, lots of things.  It takes me longer to talk and express my thoughts. 

I am a cancer patient. 

As I said before, cancer is not glamorous. 

I was driving the other day and a supped up Subaru full of young men pass me by.  They hit the brakes so they were just even with me and were laughing.  It was then that I realized that they couldn't figure out if I was a man or a woman!  Hurt. Pain. I cried. 

Those that have known me for a long time know how much I love my makeup, shoes, and dressing up.  (K, so I've kinda gone downhill since motherhood....) But it's made me think about 'what is April known for' or what I am good at, what I bring to the table. Heavenly Father is teaching me that it's not about looks, although looking and feeling pretty is great, but more importantly I need to love and be kind.   I love the new Cinderella movie and I think the "Have courage and be kind" hits my motive on the head.  

I had a really good day Monday, so I took the kids out. As we were leaving a woman also in a ball cap approached me and took off her hat and said "hey, same haircuts!". We talked for a bit. She was fighting breast cancer and also had young kids she was trying to herd. I'm so sad she has to go through this, but it did make me feel not so alone in this.  I knew she knew the stresses of being young and having cancer.  She knew what it was like to have to be a mom and be sick all the time. She knew what it was like to just want to go and have a fun summer but can't.  

Hugs to my stranger friend and anyone that's hurting or going through a battle of their own right now.  

My brother and sister in law have had many battles of their own and after their baby Jackson died, I remember her posting this quote-

I'm learning how to dance during this rainstorm.  I'm trying to smile more! I'm trying to remember that it could be worse and there are people out there struggling more than me and need help.  They need us!  They need a support system too.  

Thank you to all those supporting me. I honestly could not do this without you.