My coping = Joking

Guys, I've accepted that I have cancer.  I'm coming to accept that it's going to be hard.  How hard?  I dunno, but I want to live my life as normal as possible.

So I joke.  I play the 'cancer card'  jokingly, I talk about being bald, I talk about how I wish I was a sickly skinny cancer patient  (btw--why couldn't I have the symptom of weight loss? That would have been nice.... still have hopes here. haha)

It is SO hard to tell people you have cancer.  Probably my least favorite thing about this so far (and I drank lithium by the way...) They cry, they feel bad, they think you are going to die.

After fasting and praying that first Sunday after they found the tumor, I have felt so much peace.  I know that I will be okay.  It may suck for a while, but I know I'll be okay.

My biggest worry though is for my children.  I want to be a good mom.

Me + Sick = Not a good mom
Me + A lot of Sick = A lot of not a good mom

Here is how I'm training to think about this---  When I'm sick they will strengthen their relationship with daddy,  daddy is going to learn a lot of appreciation (more than he knows already) about being a mom,  they will strengthen their relationships with their grandmas, friends, and neighbors.  They are young enough that 4-6 months won't break them, and I am learning to let go of the things that don't matter and spend time with the things that do (like playing and spending time with my husband and kids.)

Here's a  quote that I wrote down a couple months ago and has really helped me get through those break downs-

"Happiness is something we have to recommit to on a moment to moment basis."

We are human. We have crazy emotions.  We have to choose to be happy even when big icky things come our way.