Itchy Itchy Itchy

Today was just a normal day (besides my incessant need to itch my whole entire body.)  I went into Dr. Christensen's office at 10:30 am thinking that I was going to get some kind of cream or a referral to an allergist.

Now, I've always liked Dr. Christensen.  He was a collegiate runner for Weber State, he's young, and he really wants to help.

I told him of my itching problems--showed him the bruises from itching so bad and explained to him that I haven't felt like "me" for a long time now.  I've just felt off with no energy and pretty irritable.

He turned his computer to me and told me that we are going to get down to why you feel this way.   He searched "itching without rash"  on his medical browser thing and it brought up several possibilities of what could cause the itching.

I had had my blood work not long before, but they didn't check all of the things needed.  I also went to several PA's at my OB-GYN's office, but no one could figure out what was going on.

He started down the list---   I hadn't been out of the country,  I had my blood count done (looked good) but not the types,  I am not diabetic, my liver and bile look good, I hadn't done a chest xray, we went over my medications, etc.

We were definitely thinking that I was having a reaction to my medication I had been taking for a while.  Since I was already at the doctor's office, we decided it would be best to check out everything else that we hadn't in order to really get down to business and figure this out!

They have an xray machine in office, so I walked down the hall and did that--- thinking that it'd show nothing, just like every other test I had taken in the last several months.

When Dr. Christensen came in to go over the results right after, he brought up my xray and right then, BAM, I saw it.  Dr. was like...."hmmmm  that's a little odd."  "Do you see that protrusion on the top part of your heart?"     Heck yes I saw it.  He said it might be my aorta twisted (still could work fine....) but he wanted to see what the radiologist said about it.

Instead of waiting for the radiologist to call,  I went and picked up my kids and went home.  Not even twenty minutes after I left the office, I got a call from Dr. Christensen on his cell phone.  He said that the radiologist was concerned and that I needed to go in to the hospital for a CT scan asap.  I still wasn't that concerned because really nothing else looked off.  They said not to eat anything before the scan- (DANG! I was just about to eat lunch!)

At 2:30 pm.  I went to the American Fork Hospital by myself (Brett came home from work and stayed with the kids.)   I went in to get the CT scan and they were asking me my symptoms and why I was there and I didn't know what to say!  I just told them I went to my doctor this morning for itching and they found something on my heart.   They didn't go over how the CT really went or what it showed, I was all confused,  but it was quick.

After the CT, I had to sit in this room by myself with a phone.  They told me to answer it when it rang.  I did that, and they put me through to Dr. Christensen again.  This time I could tell something was wrong.  He apologized for having to tell me this on the phone, and he said that it was a tumor, not ON my heard but right up NEXT to it.  He said that with my age, the itchiness, and the location of the tumor-- it was probably some type of lymphoma.  (Either hodgkin's or non-hodgkins)

I asked him, "What next then?"  He proceeded to tell me that it's going to be a long road, but he'll take care of the appointments and putting me in contact with the right people.  He gave me his cell phone number to call any time and called the oncologist right after.


 I waited a few minutes in this tiny little room with a phone trying to process everything.  I started to cry.  I picked myself up and went out to the car.  Cried some more.  I had no idea what this meant, I had no idea that I had cancer, I had no idea that any of this could happen to me.

I sat in my car for a while.  I called Brett, I called my parents,  Dr. Christensen called again.  The next week they'd need me to have a pet scan done and meet with the oncologist.    I cried hard.  This meant chemo, this meant being sick long term, this meant that I'd need lots of help, and this meant that my kids wouldn't have their mom like their used to.

When I was finally in ok shape to drive (Bad idea not to have Brett come with me), I went to Slurp and got a cookie and drink.  My appetite was gone, but I knew that I needed something.  And Slurp usually makes everything better---- not this time, dang it.

What a day.

The rest of the day and weekend  was pretty surreal.  I kept busy.  My dad had called my bishop and the bishop had told my neighbor (who is also the elder's quorum president),  I told that neighbor's wife and another friend of mine.   The bishop and our neighbor came over and helped give Brett and I blessings.

My motto at this point was to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best.  I think in all due time that was the best to do.

Whoa. Cancer.  For reals?