Thursday, May 7, 2015

Battle Songs

Just in case you were wondering, Brett and I have indeed come up with a couple of fight songs.

That's just how we roll.  

I like to blast them in the car, Brett would rather listen to them at a normal calm level, but we find a happy in between.

Katy Perry - Roar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CevxZvSJLk8

The Warrior- Scandal/ Patty Smyth   ----->>>  You HAVE to see the dance fighting in this video! HAHAHAHA
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47y5bo8wtqM

and another new one we were introduced to by a friend (thanks Andrea), this one moves you, so be prepared for some tears-

Fight Song- Rachel Platten
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVxon65u3tA

ECHO!

Since cancer medications (Chemicals--- we're now calling them that for the children's sake)  <See below>   can do a number on your heart and since the location of my tumor is right next to my heart,  Doctor thought it would be good to do an Echo before I start Chemo.  

<My friend Katie said that she told her daughter they were chemicals---good idea because I don't want to call it medicine and for Sadie to see me suffering and sick from the "medicine." Because "medicine" is supposed to make you feel better.  So chemicals it is... >

I had two days to get the echo done.  Thank goodness they had ONE appointment before Friday down in Provo.  I took it.   I haven't been sleeping the last couple nights.  It's hard when you are jumping into the unknown.  

So my appointment for the Echo was today.   An echo is really cool.   It's an ultrasound of your heart.  Since I'm very curious, I ask a lot of questions and luckily my radiologist tech was really cool and would just explain everything to me.  She also added in random facts about the heart.   Like, did you know that 90% of the population have at least 1 leaky valve in their heart?  Since the heart is so strong, it makes up for that.  

Good times.   I like appointments that aren't painful.  

Of course she couldn't say anything about the results, but she did say that if there was anything emergent, she wasn't allowed to let me leave the hospital.  So, I guess I wasn't in bad shape!  

Next step--- CHEMOTHERAPY!  Freaking out just a little bit.  

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

My Cancer BFF

Of course, my honey, who has stuck through this and been with me every step of the way is my best friend.  Brett sure has stepped it up and although it's super hard on him, he's always come back with a level head and helped me when I need.

But, kinda funny- I met this girl, Angie. She lives in my neighborhood. Two years ago she was diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma.  She has been my go to girl.

Now that I have my "official" diagnosis, we found out that we are meant to be here for each other.  (More like she was meant to have cancer so she could help me and my family through it..... haha)

So I start treatments exactly 2 years later than she did,  we have the same type, we are both blonde, we will have the same treatment schedule (every other week for 4 months, then radiation.)

I sure love her.  She has given me so much advice and comfort through this. I can't thank her enough.

Tonight she came over and gave me the chemo run down.  What I'll need, how I might feel, and some lovely side effects they don't tell you about.  I felt sooooo much better after talking to her.

Seeing how well she's doing now gives me hope that I'll pop back and get back to life quickly.   What a great cancer BFF.



I have also contacted a couple more girls that I know that had this same cancer-

My Logan bunco friend Katie JUST barely experienced this as well-- among other hardships (Finished chemo a few months ago and she is such a fighter and inspiration.)  I love how this has brought us so close even talking a little.  We are the same age, stage of life, our daughters are tiny and adorable.  Basically Heavenly Father is saying we NEED to be friends.

 Also, Jackie, a friend from my ward up in Logan also went through this when she was just 17.  I feel blessed to have known her experience---her experience was the first "hodgkin lymphoma" I had ever heard of.

I also have come into contact through friends of some other girls that have gone through what I have.  It's amazing to hear their journey and take on things.

Love the bonds and friends I have created through this.  Having cancer may suck, but it's temporary.  These experiences I have and people I meet will be life-long.

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Meeting the New Doc

Now that they officially know it's cancer, I met with my new oncologist today.  I'm excited to have him as my doctor because he's the head of basically the whole department of the place I'm going.  He's on several boards for cancers and his expertise is lymphomas.  

AND he's British.... So that's cool.  I like hearing him talk so maybe I ask a lot of dumb questions, but he's patient with me!  That's a plus! 

My appointment was at 2.   I was there for over 3 hours.  Here I am patiently waiting.

We discussed everything.   I had a physical with the PA-- I really like her, and then the Doctor came in.

He said with the location and size of my tumor that the smartest method of treatment would be to do both chemotherapy and radiation.  One chemotherapy treatment every other week for four months, then 2-4 weeks of radiation (1 treatment each day, 5 days a week.)

I'll have a scan halfway through my chemo treatments to see how it's going.  He said if there is no trace of cancer then I wouldn't have to do radiation!  That'd be cool.

The risks-  Just having a cancer makes my risks a little higher to get another cancer.  With radiation, my risk for breast cancer and heart disease increases.  If I opt out of radiation (some people do) and do extra chemo, the chances increase of this cancer coming back.  So I'm just a walking cancer risk at this point! haha.

We talked about when.  We could start as early as Thursday or Friday (That's 2-3 days from now!) as long as I had an Echo done on my heart because some of the Cancer meds can affect your heart.

So Friday seemed like a good day to start.  We scheduled my first chemo treatment for then.  If I wanted to stay on a Friday schedule, I'd have to come in twice each week because my doc is only in office on Tuesdays.  He wants to see me every other time I come in.  I'll start this Friday, then move to Tuesdays so I can have less driving and appointments.

We talked to him about having more children in the future and he said the odds are pretty good- but no guarantees.  We could harvest eggs, store them, do invitro.... $$$$super expensive and it would take 3-4 more weeks for that process.  We could do the birth control shot each month which would temporary "freeze" everything-- which helps your chances a bit, is covered by insurance and we could do that today.

So that's what we did.   Have I ever mentioned how much I hate needles?

In the past weeks I'm pretty sure I've been poked 20+ times.

Kinda funny, when we went in to get this shot, I was joking "So, do I just pull down my pants and you poke me in the bum?" and they totally were serious and said "yeah. Give us a minute."

What???? I was totally joking about the poking in the bum part! Surely there are medical advances where they could just prick my finger or something.  I started to freak out, especially because they were holding up the needle and flicking it right in front of my face.   They kept telling me to relax--- yeah, you're about to poke me in the bum with a really long needle lady!    Brett told me "Just do it for our future family!"  How could I refuse that.



We then went over my Cancer binder with my new RN bff Karissa. It has all the info to all the chemo drugs I'll be given, reactions, my schedule, what to do when this happens, etc. It also has everyone's contact info, including how to get in touch with her 24/7.   My treatment is called ABVD -

  • (A)driamycin -- "Red Devil" --it looks just like red kool-aid-   Causes hair loss and turns your pee red
  • (B)leomycin  ---changes in skin, fingernails, and mouth sores
  • (V)inblastine-  Causes hair loss too, weakness, upset stomach
  • (D)acarbazine - upset stomach , hair loss 
And they all cause drowsiness and weakness. 

Well, here goes nothing!


Sharing with the social media world

Things were already spreading like wildfire- so I didn't want to leave anyone out.

I posted this on Instagram and Facebook:

5.5.15. Cat's out of the bag. I have been diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma (2B). Hard to believe I have a 9 cm tumor inside my chest! It's been a crazy couple weeks with doctor appointments and tests, but I officially start Chemo on Friday. Treatment works really well with this type of cancer, so we're looking up!

Of course I did not want the attention, I just didn't want to leave anyone out.  But my oh my, the support, the love, the messages--- made me feel like my family and I were just going to be taken care of.  And that's how it's been.  Heavenly Father prepares the way for you to fight trials and to come out stronger.  He also sets people on your path to rise to the occasion and help (even if just by a kind word or compliment.)  You never know what people are going through and it never hurts to lend a positive word or hand.  I'm learning that that's the person I want to become.  Just like these angels Heavenly Father has sent me.  Maybe that's why I needed to go through this?  To be trained to be more sympathetic and kind, because life can be tough and no one should have to go through it alone.

Sunday, May 3, 2015

My name is April and I have Hodgkin Lymphoma

While I was in the recovery stages from the biopsy, I was called by the office I had gone to previously on Friday and the nurse said that I indeed had what they were thinking.

I have Hodgkin Lymphoma. I have cancer.

Whoa.

I told them, "Hey thanks, but I'm going to go a different oncologist now."

During my biopsy day, Brett arranged to have me go up to a cancer center a Luke bit further away from me.  Apparently they are well known for being great at fighting cancer and my new doctor, expertizing in lymphomas.

Now, when they tell you that you have cancer, it's not only your problem.  It's a whole heck of trial for your husband as well.  Children, parents, in laws, other family members and friends are affected too.  So this title should read "We have Hodgkin lymphoma."

Or-  it's not Canceri, it's canceroUS. 

I need to do better at saying the "we" because it's not just me that has to suffer.  I get all the attention, but Brett is doing soooo much too.  He was not trained to be a mom, but now he's taking on the job full time for a while when I'm down, plus working, plus making sure I'm staying alive. 

I sure do love him.  This is something that is going to make us so much stronger as a couple. 

So if you see Brett, give him a really awkward hug.  He'll love it.

Oh hey life, see you in 3 days!

I had the biopsy done on April 30th.

It is now May 3rd and I finally feel like I'm getting better.

Whewf.  This cancer must affect your immune system because I was sick.

Kinda funny because I totally thought that I'd be up and at it Friday.  I had plans to go to Park city with my college girlfriends to celebrate mine and Hayley's birthday (we have the SAME birthday-it's so fun), but that had to be cancelled.

Here's how the day(s) went:

My good friend Sarah came to be with the kids for the day of the surgery.  Bless her heart.  I didn't know we would be gone basically the whole day.

I left for the hospital just after 8 in the morning.

We get to same day surgery hospital and have to wait because it's so busy.

They get me back, I have to get poked again, pee in a cup again (still not pregnant people), then dress in the ugliest hospital clothes ever.  They were basically made out of soft paper.  I didn't get a picture of the navy blue paper shorts (I spared you, I promise), but refer below to the amazing gown.

(Note to self: Million $$$ idea- create cute surgical wear for patients or even switch up the color or something)

I am now in Pre-op, which in Provo, Utah looks like it does in Grey's anatomy.  A ton of patients separated by curtains chillin at the hospital waiting for their doctor.  Nurse comes in, starts an IV, and gives me a time frame (not accurate at all.)

My surgery time of 10:15 comes and goes, but I'm watching Friends on Netflix-- so life is good besides the fact that I could eat a whole pizza.

They finally come get me,  I say goodbye to Brett, and I go into "Holding."   I think the "Holding" room doubles as the morgue or something because it was the saddest place I think I have ever been.  And I was there longer than most because they surgeon called right when I got there and said that the previous surgery was going over the expected time.  Imagine a pretty small room, with 4-6 people laying on wheelie beds, all with IV's, no privacy, no windows, and it's soooo quiet.  There's one nurse in there, so anytime she talks to a patient, everyone can hear the conversation.

I was really glad they had People magazines from the last couple months.  I definitely updated myself in the celeb world while I was there.

Oh, and of course (hahaha) they wheel an old guy directly across from me---  awkward.  We never caught each other looking at each other.  So that was good.  I'm pretty sure he didn't get the memo to put the cute navy blue paper shorts on and he refused a blanket---so who wore a shorty short dress? That guy did!

The anesthesiologist came in, questioned me, gave me the run down.  I decided to trust him.  The Operating Room Nurse came in (His name was Brett! Nothing like my Brett though--- not tall, not handsome)  but he gave me drugs and that was nice.   He went and got Dr. McCann (the surgeon) and he talked to me for a minute.

Brett (the nurse, not my Brett) wheeled me down the hallway, I went into the OR, looked up at the lights, heard people talking, then I was out.

I was out for about an hour and a half.   Dr. McCann made an incision on the left side of my chest about 1.5 inches long, got enough tissue to test, made the assessment that it was indeed a lymphoma, and done.

It took me a while to gain consciousness.  I remember hearing people but I couldn't open my eyes for even a second because I was so nauseous.  Then I remember being wheeled and then hearing Brett's (my Brett's) voice.  My recovery room was a lot more private (It actually had a door! yay!)  and I was there for over two hours trying to wake up enough to get home.   A couple of funny's:  I had a thought that music might help me so I had Brett turn on pandora on my phone.  He asked me what station and I immediately thought BOY BANDS.  Lovely.  That lasted not very long.  Didn't help the nausea at all.  Also Brett wanted a picture, I didn't like opening both my eyes (because everything made me throw up) so I opened one I and pretended I was a pirate with a hook.  Pretty cute picture that was, I'll tell you that.  haha.

I had Brett (my Brett--Haven't seen the nurse Brett ever again) help me change, then he went to get the car.   Apparently the girl that was helping me in recovery didn't exactly tell Brett where to pick me up so she was wheeling me around everywhere trying to find him.  (Remember, I am getting sick at every turn, twist, and bump)  I even asked her "Did you tell him where to pick me up?"  She said "yeah, out front."  I know my husband--- and I was pretty sure he didn't know where to go.  Haha.  It's funny now, but I was pretty nasty then.  I probably should apologize for the way I acted to her on drugs.  (I really wasn't that bad....)

We finally find him.  He went back and parked and was walking back in because he couldn't see us.

In the car finally.  We stop and wal-mart and all I can think of was the reeses peanut butter cup cookies keebler makes.  Brett gets my meds and picks up cookies (wrong kind... by the way... haha)  Maybe it was a good thing because I couldn't keep anything down.

I get home and go straight to my bed.  I see my kids but I have to just lay there because of the pain and nausea.

The next day, same story, but a little better.  I stopped throwing up, but still wanted to be in bed all day.  I felt a little better each day after.  Carter threw up twice Friday night.  I wonder if I had his sickness on top of surgery recovery?  Maybe that's why I was so out for the count.

Saturday evening we took a family walk around the block and that was hard for me, but I like being outside, and it felt good to do something besides lay in bed.  We also hung out outside while the kids played.

I decided that I didn't like being on the crazy pain medication, so I just took IB profen and tylenol.  That helped with the nausea.

Sunday, I was still tired, but I took Sadie to the first hour of church and Brett came for the last two hours.  It was nice to be in public, put on make-up and actually get ready.

On the first Sunday of every month, the LDS faith has a "Fast and Testimony Meeting."  It's just how it sounds.  Members fast for things: answers to questions, help, healing, etc. then at the church service instead of having speakers or a sermon, anyone from the congregation can get up and share their beliefs and learnings of Heavenly Father and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

I was prompted to share mine.  I was so nervous, but I did it, and I cried.  But that's ok.  Because I know that this trial has come to me to make me stronger.  I know that our Heavenly Father is not a cruel God,  I know that he is with me every step of the way.  Like I said in previous posts- I know that when I pray because I'm scared, I'm overwhelmed, or confused, He is there Listening.   I know that Jesus Christ was the one that prepared the way for us to be able to live with Heavenly Father again.  He suffered and died for us.  He knows what I am feeling, He knows what its like to have a long term illness.  He did all that because he loved me.  He loves all of us.  And our Father in Heaven loves all of us and wants us to be happy.  He wants us to learn and become like him.  He gives us these trials to help others, to experience things, to become better.    I am trying to look at this whole cancer experience as just that.   A time to experience a new thing, become a better (more humble) person, and to help others.




 
Images by Freepik